I Can Stop Whenever I Want To!
by 1 DeathGoddess
Summary: Light is sick of all the Death Note characters' addicitions. What happens when he tries to get them to sort it all out? Yeah, we'll see how that goes and all.... completed
1. Why we're here

**I can stop whenever I want to!**

So this is the story of Light getting all the Death note characters together and trying to solve all the problems that annoyed him. Now they're all in a small room like a hospital. There's a door and a window to the outside hallway.

They all sat in a small room with only a window to the hallway to look out. The walls were white washed and very plain. Light, Misa, Mello, Mikami, Near and L sat in a circle on little folding chairs, staring at each other.

"Why are we here?" Mello asked.

"Well," Light replied. "I felt that you all have some problems that you need to have resolved." He explained. He also was slightly uncomfortable with every enemy of his sitting around him.

"What problems?" Near asked. "I don't have any. Do I?"

"Yes, I'm afraid you all do." Light told him. Near pondered for a moment and tried to think of something. "You and your toys. That's really annoying." Light finally told him, too impatient to let him think it over.

"Hey, why am I here? And who the hell are you people?" Mikami asked. Everyone just ignored him, except Misa.

"You're a idiot. You're just not in the loop. Just sit and listen to my dearest Light!" Misa pointed out, making Mikami mutter something like '...so stupid…'

"Raito-kun, must we really be here? We should be trying to catch Kira." L asked, sitting in his usual curled-up pose on his chair and scratched his head. Light glared at him.

"That, first of all, that's really weird. You have no right to ask anything from me, after the whole handcuff incident." Light pointed at L "Stop sitting like that! It's weird and probably bad for your spine. It also gives you a slow reaction time to things like this." Light threw a pencil at him and hit him in the head.

"Ow." Was all the L said.

"HA HA." Misa laughed. She pointed at L. L stuck out his tongue. Light coughed.

"Ok, so now I would like to move on to another certain sugar addict. Mello..." Light began, but Mello interrupted him.

"What are you talking about? It's not an addiction, I can stop when ever I want to!" Mello yelled in his own defense, before hearing it all.

"Yeah, sure." L said. "Do you see why you're not the next L? You're way too over emotional and paranoid." L explained calmly.

"Plus you look like a girl." Misa added. Mello glared at the Blond Gothic Lolita.

"WHAT!?" Mello again yelled in confusion. "No I do not!"

"Yes you do. Go cut your hair or something."

"Never." Mello huffed. Misa looked for something in her purse. She pulled out a pair of scissors.

"Hey, let's do your hair right now." Misa suggested.

"Ahh! Hey wait. Don't touch me or my hair." Mello stood up and covered his head.

"NO. I'm going to make you look like your proper gender. Come here!' Misa yelled and approached Mello.

"Ahhh. NOOOO!" Mello ran to the door and ran out into the hall. Misa chased him, with the scissors. "Go away!"

"Come back here!" Misa yelled and they disappeared around a corner, out of sight from the window that the other characters stared out of.

"Don't run with scissors!" Near called to them, but they were gone.

"Now do you see that you all have problems?' Light told the remaining group of people. "Do you want to end up like that?"


	2. Stop it, you're scaring me!

**I can stop whenever I want to!**

OK, so. It continues. The pure insanity of Death note characters and their 'addictions'. Yes, they are out of character a bit, but that's only because Light didn't let any of them have their 'crack' before this session.

* * *

Only Light, Mikami, L and Near were left in the room. Everyone was still a little uncomfortable with the whole situation. Misa was chasing Mello somewhere with a pair of scissors, so they weren't really involved.

"Ok, then." Light said. "Let's continue with you L. Why do you eat so much sugar?" Light asked the sugar high detective.

"Are you going to throw another pencil at me?"

"No."

"Good. It wasn't very nice." L told Light. "Well, I think it may have to do with how it tastes do good. I think my mother may have also consumed a large amount while she was pregnant with me; it could of caused a high dependency with me. It also helps me stay up late at night so…"

"Vroom." A small voice came from the corner.

"What was that?' Light asked and looked around.

"It was him!" Mikami pointed an accusing finger at Near. Near looked up and put on an innocent face.

"What do you mean?" Near asked in a quiet voice and hid something behind his back.

"What's that?" Light asked. "Show it, now." He commanded.

"It's nothing." Near told him. Mikami suddenly jumped from his chair and grabbed the object.

"This is truly sad." Mikami commented and produced a crumpled paper airplane from Near's hands.

"You made a toy plane? From the hospital paper?" Light asked in frustration.

"I was bored." Near said.

"You see? This is why you need to stop. You are what? Seventeen years old? Even though you look like a ten year old, it doesn't give you the right to act like one. Get a normal hobby that a teenager has, or a girlfriend." Light commented.

"Hey, it's hard for hard-working detectives who are constantly battling Kira to get girlfriends. We aren't as lucky as you, Light. You have Misa-san and all." L pointed out.

"Yeah, lucky…" Light muttered.

The sudden sound of yelling came from around the corner. Mello ran for his life, charging down the hall at full speed, closely followed by Misa. He clutched the side of his head. He ran to the door of the room and opened it and shut it.

"Damnit, doesn't this stupid thing have a lock?" Mello yelled, hurrying to look for some way to keep out the other blonde, coming down the hall.

"What happened to your head?" Light asked him. Mello looked angry.

"Bitch got my precious hair." Lifting his hand to reveal a large chunk of his hair cut off.

"Ooohh, that sucks." Mikami commented.

"Wait, Mello…." Misa yelled and opened the door suddenly.

"Ahhh!" Mello ran behind Near and grabbed his arms and picked him up, attempting to use him as a human shield.

"Mello, put me down." Near said calmly, showing very little emotion as usually. L and Mikami just stared in interest.

"Make her stop! Make her stop!" Mello shouted in fear.

"People! Calm down. Misa stop chasing Mello, and Mello, put Near down."

"Ok Light, I'm ok." Misa smiled. Everyone froze for a second, allowing themselves to stop and calm down. They sat back down in their chairs, Near brushed off his wrinkled sleeves a little.

"This is going to take a while." Light sighed.

* * *

Haha! Insaneness is fun, isn't it? 


	3. I just want to help

I'm so happy so many people like this story. Happy, happy, joy, joy! I have gotten more inspiration, thanks to Jenisa Lawliet. I feel like swearing more. Here it is! Tada!

* * *

I just want to help! 

Finally, everyone was back in the small, white room, to help with his or her "problems". Light was getting very frustrated with these over-active, sugar-high, over-logical freaks of nature. He wanted this to be over with as soon as possible.

"Ok, now lets all calm down.." Light began.

"You're not the boss of me!" Mello yelled. He still seemed very upset at the fact that Misa had cut off a huge chunk of his hair.

"That's not what I meant by that, Mello. I was simply trying to have everyone listen to me." Light replied back. "Are you cranky because Misa cut your hair or because you've been stuck here all day?" Light asked. Mello didn't respond and proceeded to pout.

"Sorry, Light-kun. But we've been here a lot. He's just unhappy because we're here even longer today." L stated.

"What? You guys are here often? Do you have diabetes or something and need to see a doctor? You know, from all that sugar and chocolate you eat?" Light asked, interested.

"That's doctor-patient privilege." L said without emotion. Light just stared and then shook his head.

"Whatever. Well then Mello. Many people have noticed your unhealthy obsession to chocolate, among other things.." Light began.

"Wait, who..." Mello started.

"No interrupting!"

"But you..."

"I said no!"

"Let me..."

"Nah!"

"Bu..."

"Shut up now and listen!" Light finished, making the impossible happen, Mello finally shut up. "Now, I have an anonymous witness to your 'chocolate escapades'. They would like to personally share their feelings and concerns with you. But anonymously." Light walked over to the wall and flipped a switch. The window in the room darkens, letting no one see beyond it. Light talked through the microphone that was next to the switch. "Ok witness, you may share with us." Then a voice began to speak...

"Yes. I have spent enough time around Mello to see that he had a major problem with chocolate." The voice began. "He is always eating it and when he doesn't get his fix, he becomes very cranky."

"You mean more cranky then usual?" Mikami asked.

"Shut up Mikami, you man-whore! You know nothing about me!" Mello snapped.

"Both of you shut the fuck up!" Light yelled. "Continue witness." Light told the person behind the window in a calmer tone.

"Yes, well he is always eating and it certainly can't be healthy. And sometimes I think it can hinder his abilities when he has a hand occupied from holding a chocolate bar. When doing things, such as driving or shooting people up, his chocolate can get in the way. It's really quite annoying for me to watch."

"Hmm.. Interesting..." Light mumbles like the typical psychiatrist.

"What the Hell?!" Mello yelled. "WHO the hell...?"

"Mello, you need a chill pill." Near stated, stoic as usual.

"A chill pill?! Wow, how original." Mello replied.

"Mello takes many pills. I'm always the one who has to go and gets them...uh oh." The voice said.

"Hey! Wait a second!" Mello finally realized it. "Is that..? COME HERE MATT!!!" Mello screamed and got up and proceeded to yank the door open. He went outside, where a loud argument was heard.

"What the hell?! How could you?!"

"I was just trying to help..."

"WTF!? What about your issues?"

"But I..."

"NO, shut the hell up! Go get some nicotine gum!"

"Hey, don't yell..."

"Like hell I won't! Come here you little..."

"Ahhh! Someone... help! Abuse!..."

A large fight went under way. L, Light, Misa, Mikami and Near stuck their necks out to try and see past the door. But luckily, the gruesome scene was inaccessible to their poor eyes.

Mello walked back into the room, wiping off the small traces of blood on his hands. As he sat, those sitting next to him scooted their chairs away in fear.

"Ummm, Mello?" Light asked carefully.

"Yes?" Mello replied cheerfully.

"Where did Matt go?" Mello smiled sadistically up to Light.

"Oh. He had to go to the store. Something about a new video game." Mello replied, not an ounce of guilt in his voice.

"OMG. We're all going to be killed, aren't we?" Misa said.

* * *

A hospital staff member opened up the supply closest to get a broom for the random chuck of blond hair just lying in the middle of the hallway. He hated cleaning up the random shit these crazy-ass people left just lying around. He never expected to find a red-haired boy, horribly beaten up, tied like a rodeo clown lying in the middle of the floor of the closet.

* * *

Escapades, I love that word. That was so fun to write. No worries people, I would never kill Matt. Well, that takes care of the Whammy House bunch, as I like to call them. (Maybe I could copy write that...) Now on to Mikami, Misa and maybe Light, even though he's leading this all. Why am I calling Raito, Light? He's Raito in all my other fics. I was majorly confused when I started this story. Well, too late to change now. Let the Kira fanning begin! 


	4. Breakdowns of many kinds

Yay! I've updated. Sorry it's been a while. School and stuff.

* * *

**I can stop whenever I want to**

After the craziness in the last few hours, Light was ready to end this. He was going to go crazy if he had to spend much more time with these people. There was one group of people that he had yet to address, and that were his personal fans, or Kira's fans, however you might choose to put it. That was Misa and Mikami. This is the part Light feared the most. It was going to be a tricky situation. How was he going to address Misa and Mikami's obsession with Kira, who was also himself? This was going to be hard.

He decided to try Misa first. Misa knew he was Kira. She would be smart enough not to blab that. And if anything, he would get support from the others. They knew how clingy Misa was. Especially L. He would definitely put something up in his defense when he finally told Misa off.

Light shifted uncomfortable in his chair. He thought of the exact words he wanted to say.

"So Misa, it's down to you." Light said as clearly and without hesitation as possible.

"Wait, what about me? I still don't know why I'm here." Mikami interjected.

" SHHH! You'll get your turn." Near shushed Mikami. "I'm getting interested."

"Yes Light?" Misa asked in her normal perky tone.

"Well, how to put this…" Light wondered. But luckily for Light, L interrupted.

"Stop obsessing over Light-kun!" L yelled at her. "It's so annoying." Everyone one in the circle stared at L. His normal calmness seemed to have disappeared. L looked around at everyone. His big, round eyes narrowed.

"What?! It's true." L replied to their stares, even from Light. "Hey, I had to spend all my time with the Kira investigation with her. As long as Light was around, so was she. I had no choice, and therefore was very annoyed. I can only stay silent for so long." Misa looked very hurt. She looked at Light.

"Misa is annoying?" She asked, giving a very pitiful face. Light looked away and turned red and slightly nodded his head.

"What?! Misa has never heard this! Why are you all so mean?!" Misa cried and bawled tears. "Misa just wanted to help Light-kun. Misa loves him so much." Misa jumped across the circle and proceeded to glomp Light.

"Love…is…smothering…. me." Light gasped for air. Mello and Mikami had to pull Misa off Light, who was beginning to turn blue from the lack of air. Misa stared throwing a fit and tried attacking Mello and Mikami. Luckily, she sucked at fighting and finally gave up.

"Why are females so over emotional?" Near questioned.

"Ah, silly, little Near. You are too young to know about women." L teased Near and shook his head.

"Oh, and you know about women? Have you ever even kissed a girl?" Near asked. L didn't respond.

"I think we both need to get lives. At least Light has a life. Mello….sort of has one." L added.

**Anyways, back to Misa and her emotional breakdown.**

"Why does no one love me?" Misa asked, dramatically.

"Sorry, but looks can't get you everything." Mello sneered at Misa. Misa collapsed on the floor and proceeded to have a breakdown. Light became very nervous. He desperately pushed the red buzzer that he had on hand for this type of situation. Two men in white uniforms dragged Misa out the door and down the hall. She screamed and kicked all the way.

"Hmmm, Rem always said that she couldn't live without me. Maybe this will finally rid me of her. Yay! Then there will be no one who can pose a threat to Kira and his mental health." Light thought to himself. Then he saw the group of obsessive-compulsive geniuses out to get him.

"Oh, wait, there's them still. I wonder if I can get them thrown in an asylum with Misa? That would solve all my problems." Light's happiness just doubled at the thought of all his crazy rivals spending the rest of their lives in a padded room somewhere, talking crazy babble and being deprived of what was most precious to them, meaning their addictions. Oh, the thought was too sweet to pass up. Mikami, who had been mostly quiet for most of the time, decided to comment.

"You're all freaks, do you know that?" He stated.

"What?" Mello asked.

"What makes you say that?" L responded to Mikami's insult in a clam, unmoved tone.

"Well, besides being kidnapped here with you like a crazy person would do, I have probably the most unbiased opinion of all of you." Mikami explained. "First off, I don't really know who the hell you people are! Second, you are so fucked up; I can't even begin to list what's wrong with you all. You're all either mal-nourished, hyper-active or have a major anger management issue." Mikami stared at Mello for the last one.

"And you…" Mikami pointed at Light. "Well, I don't know what's wrong with you. But I have a question about your name and your lif.." Mikami started.

"Ok then!" Light changed the subject. "So Mikami brings an excellent point about your 'problems' and such. As you can see, a lot of other people see the issues, not just me. We ….had Matt, but he seems to have 'gone out'." Light made quotation marks in the air. Everyone stared accusingly at Mello.

"What? He's fine. I didn't do anything to him. On my honor." Mello made the scout hand sign.

"Oh yeah. On your honor… You're not even a boy scout. Hell, are you even fully a boy?" Near retorted. Mello just gave him a raspberry. Another commotion was heard outside the window.

"Holy Crap! Someone! I need a doctor." A random doctor met the random hospital staff member.

"What is it?!" The doctor asked. The hospital staff member took a few breaths to calm down.

"I found this kid in a closet. Someone beat him up bad! I think he's near death."

"Oh my God! In our own hospital?!" The doctor asked himself and followed the staff member down the hall. As soon as they were gone, everyone stared fearfully at Mello.

"Oops." Mello said.

"Umm…." Light started. "Ok, so I think we should visit Matt after we're done and….well…we'll have to turn Mello in for an account of assault."

"What?!" Mello yelled.

"Well, you did beat him up? Oh! And I'll be the prosecuting attorney, because I am one." Mikami smiled at Mello. Mello jumped Mikami and started to attack him. Near and L did their best to hold him off. Light pushed the red buzzer and asked for a straightjacket.

* * *

Oh no! Matt is near death! (near death, **Near** death. I know I'm not the only one who saw that. It's not my fault his name is an adjective) Ok, so I didn't really do Mikami, but he's going to be near the end. (Ha! I did it again!) I got more ideas, and I'm going to add some fan girls as testimony for their addictions. Yay! I love adding in fan girls. It makes it more chaotic and entertaining. Prepare yourselves... for the fan girls! 


	5. Informing Video Presentation

**I can stop Whenever I want to (Informing Video Presentation)**

"Ok, so now we are going to watch a video I had made to help you all understand what others think of your problems." Light explained.

"Umm, why do we care what others think of us?" Near asked.

"No talking during the movie!" Light snapped and pushed the tape into the video player. This hospital really needed to update to modern technology. A tape player? It was a hassle to turn the DVD into a tape.

"This is such shit." Mello commented from his straightjacket that those men in the white suits forced him into. All he did was attack Mikami (and Matt). And he was just as responsible. Why didn't he get a straightjacket? It was like the opposite of rape. They force clothes on him instead of off. Now he couldn't even sneak chocolate behind Light's back.

"Just shut up." Mikami told Mello and kicked him. Mello couldn't defend himself, being in a straightjacket.

"Ow! Stop that." Mello demanded. Light ignored them both.

"Ok, movie time." Light told them. The lights dimmed and the screen glowed as the movie started.

* * *

**Others Care** was the title. A girl was sitting in a room, on a chair. The camera was facing her. 

Fan girl C: Ok. So I guess I'm here to tell the camera about the their addictions, right?

Light: **off camera **Yes. Please tell the camera. They are going to see this.

Fan girl C: Ok, well. L and Mello. You should stop eating sugar. It's unhealthy. I had this friend who got diabetes from eating all the sugar she could. Wait, you probably ALREADY have diabetes, huh!? Huh?! Oh well. I hope your teeth rot. Have you heard of Splenda? Learn about it and love it!

Light: Ok, now Near.

Fan girl C: OMG Near. You are such a freak! Stop with the toys. It annoys me SO much!! Stop acting and looking like an eight year old. And the hair twirling! Stop that too!

Light: Wow anger…. Ok, now for Mikami and Mis….

Fan girl C: OMG Misa. You need to take some narcotics. Over active much? You are OCD, aren't you? Light-kun doesn't even like you! So stop it. **Whispers** he loves me…

Light: What?

Fan girl C: Nothing. Mikami is funny. But your obsession with God is a little weird.

* * *

Light paused the movie. 

"Why is she so….angry, Light-kun?" L asked, looking a little afraid.

"Why does she hate me?" Near cried and gave a puppy-dog face. He felt so unloved.

"Haha." Mikami laughed. He's hadn't been so bad.

* * *

The movie started up again. Another girl was in the chair. 

Fan girl D: So wait. Mello-kun is watching this? Hi Mello-kun. You're the awesomeness!

Light: Stop that. Just talk about their addictions.

Fan girl D: What addict…oh those ones. Ok, but I think they're cute and adorable. Near with all his little toys and L loves his sugar.

Light: No! Say why it's bad.

Fan girl D: Well I guess Misa and Mikami are bad. Mikami likes killing too much. Dispensing justice and whatnot. And your love of Kira is a little freaky. Do you know about the yaoi I've seen?

Light: Yaoi?

Fan girl D: Yeah. It exists! Just ask Fan girl J. Yeah. And if Misa hasn't already been shipped off to the loony bin, take a chill pill. Oh, and refer to yourself in the first person, as "I". Not "Misa-Misa"!

Light: What about Mello?

Fan girl D: Mello?! What wrong with him? I love him and his chocolate. He's so cool! Mello! Is Near there? I will come bust you out of there. I will sav…

* * *

The movie cut off. 

"OMG! Save me! Get me outta here!" Mello yelled and kicked at his chair.

"Sorry, she'll never find this place." Light told the frantic Mello.

"Misa _has_ been shipped away already." Near commented

"So, when do we get out?" L asked.

"When you've gotten the proper help." Light explained. "Moving on."

* * *

Fan Girl J: Why am I here? 

Light: To talk about their addictions. How many times do I have to explain it?

Fan Girl J: OK, don't get all angry with me.

Light: Whatever. Just talk.

Fan Girl J: So Mello. Why don't you get pimples? All the chocolate you eat must have side effects. Hasn't Matt tried to help you at all? Stop eating chocolate. Oh and Near, same as what Fan girl C said. Be a man! Stop playing with little action figures and building blocks. You're a freaking adult for crying out loud! But you're still adorable!

Light: And….

Fan Girl J: And what?! I should say some things about you, you know! Mr. 'I'm-so-perfect-look-at-me' Not to mention other things you like to do….

Light: What about any yaoi?

Fan Girl J: Oh, did Fan Girl D say something? But I think it would frighten you too much.

Light: Me?

Fan Girl J: Yeah, you and others in the room….

Light: **Coughs **What about L's addictions?

Fan Girl J: OMG Is L there?! L!! I love you! I want to bear your children!!! Marry me!!! **Attacks camera**

* * *

Movie cuts again 

"I'm scared." L said and hid his face.

"You should be." Light told him. "So, Mello. What have you to say about the 'pimple' comment?"

"She can go to hell! I don't get pimples. I'm naturally gifted like that." Mello huffed.

"Yeah. You're gifted in so many ways…" Near teased Mello.

"Come here you little…" Mello yelled and tripped over his boots in his attempt to attack. The straightjacket was useful that way. Light just stared at Mello on the floor. He could pick himself up...

* * *

Fan Girl E: Addictions…. addictions…. So yeah. L-sugar, Mello-chocolate and general meanness, Mikami-Kira and Misa-Light-kun. 

Light: Thank you for being straight to the point.

Fan Girl E: Yeah, sure.

Light: Would you like to express any feeling to these addictions and problems?

Fan Girl E: Well, they're un-healthy. I guess…

Light: So, Mello has a general meanness problem?

Fan Girl E: Yeah. He's mean to everyone. Does he like causing others misery and pain?

Light: Most likely.

Fan Girl E: And he has to hate Near ALL the time. Near is adorable, Mello. Stop picking on him. I know you do! **Shakes finger at camera**

Light: **On camera** Umm. Yeah. So you guys are watching. Now do you understand? All these people have noticed your problem and think it's unhealthy. You need to stop, or I will send them all down there myself.

Fan Girl E: Hey, they're all watching?

Light: Well, yeah. This is for them

Fan Girl E: OMG Near! Are you there? Is this where you went?! Did they force you?! Near look out! It's Light!! Light is K….

* * *

Movie is over. 

"Yay! I'm loved. What was she saying?" Near asked, very suspicious.

"I forget, something about cupcakes…" Light told the suspicious white haired boy.

"I still don't care what they think." Near stated.

"Me either!" Mello shouted, trying to upstage Near, as always.

"I wanna go home." L cried. He was twitching slightly. He hadn't had sugar in hours.

"You know I can see all your names, right?" Mikami commented. Everyone was arguing and whining too much to hear. Mikami stared at Light. His expression became suddenly very surprised as he stared at Light and finally figures it out.

"God is…" Mikami gasped.

"Shush Mikami! It's reflection time." Light interrupted Mikami and stared at him long and hard so he would get the message.

"Ok." Mikami smiled. L stared at him.

"Why are you so happy?" L asked Mikami.

"No reason…" Mikami leaned back and smiled. Light looked around.

"So, have you guys learned anything? This is about helping yourselves." Light asked.

"I'm still eating my damn chocolate." Mello told them.

"My puzzles help me. I need them." Near said.

"Sugar….." L stuttered. And went into a coma-like state. Light sighed.

"So it's come to this….?"

* * *

Sorry it's been a while. I had finals and started my summer. What does Light have in store as a secret weapon? Trust me, It won't be pretty...

-1 DeathGoddess


	6. A Shocking Turn of Events

OMG! I'm finally updating this! After months of... bleck-ness, I have inspiration. Yay!

* * *

**A Shocking Turn of Events**

After a very scary video presentation, Light had to use one of his last resorts.

"Yagami-kun, why are there band-aid things tapped to us?" L asked form his half-coma.

"Yes, and why are they connected to a generator? Near asked. He was perhaps, the only one that wasn't losing their mind.

"Chocolate...chocolate...chocolate." Mello muttered and rocked back and forth in withdrawal.

Mikami just sat there, smiling, so that a small child would scream and run away. He was happy to finally realize that his kami was in the same room as him.

"Oh you'll see..." Light smiled. Light clicked another small remote to a projector that had been brought in along with the generator. A screen rolled down from the wall and a projector hummed to a start and projected a blue square onto the screen.

"Another video presentation?" Near asked Light impatiently.

"Quiet!" Mikami commanded him. "Do not question K...The teacher!" Near was quiet and curled up in fear in his chair at the crazy Mikami. Light coughed.

"So, now were are going to use this marvelous PowerPoint presentation to change the way your minds work to eliminate... "

"Eliminate!!!" Mikami screamed out of nowhere. Everyone freaked out and fell off their chairs.

"So anyways..." Light began again. "...Eliminate the want for your addiction. With the IT of today, not only have I used technology to route the shock commands from this remote, to turn on to each individual router and target a specific server, shocking it."

"What does that even mean?" Near questioned, looking confused.

"It means I'm going to give you a small shock through those band-aid things individually. Isn't that great?!" Light explained.

"NO! And what's with the random techno talk?" Mello shouted, somewhere from his mental breakdown.

"The author of this story/ Head Medical Administrator to this session is taking some sort of Technology class, and decided to incorporate it into this fanfiction."

"Oh...that explains so much." Near said and squeezed his rubber duck.

"No toys I say!" Light screamed in anger and slapped it out of Near's hand. Near looked like he was going to cry. "Presentation time." Light clicked the button and a picture of a cake came on.

"CAKE!!!!" L sat up, awake suddenly from his half-coma and attempted to glomp the screen and eat the digital cake. Light pressed a button, giving L a slight shock. "AHHH!!" L screamed and fell onto the ground, twitching slightly from both with drawl and the volts that went through him.

"And that is how this is going to work." Light started to explain again. "I'm training your body to dislike these things."

"But I like my chocol..." Mello began and flailed onto the ground, having been shocked.

"Be quiet!" Light said to Mello, who was still twitching on the ground. Light clicked to the next slide. It was a puppet.

"Yay!" Near clapped and got shocked. Mello laughed a little.

* * *

**Somewhere not so far off...**

Fan girl E died inside and muttered..."Must kill Yagami Light..."

* * *

**Back in the hospital-place-thingy...**

"See now you've all been shocked and see I'm serious." Light said.

"What about him?" L pointed at Mikami.

"Well...ummm...he's not resisting. You all have been rejecting my treatment, but Mikami here has accepted his...problem and is cooperating." Light tried to defend his reasoning for not harming his Kira follower. Now, having been shocked and not of had his magical sugar, L took this as a reasonable statement and didn't question it any further. Next slide…. It was more chocolate.

"Chocolate! OMFG!!!" Mello spazzed. "Come here my precious…" He got up and walked to the screen, lowly. Like an ax murderer stalking their prey, in a straight jacket…. Another shock.

"Stop doing that!" Mello cried from the ground.

"No." Light said. Next slide…. A rubber duckie…

"Duckie!!!" Near jumped up and down on his chair like a rabid fan girl, then collapsed back onto the chair.

"You all really need to learn. That the whole point of this exercise…" Light started again.

"Ah! I finally got it!" Near exclaimed from nowhere. "All those shocks finally got my mind working. You're Kira! I figured it out!" Near pointed at Light, his finger shaking, left eye twitching.

"Hey, albino boy, I think you have just gone a little over the edge and…." Mikami commented.

"You!" Near turned to point at Mikami. "You're in on it too! I know it! That's why he's nice to you!"

"No, I think…." Mikami began again from his chair, and then Near attacked.

"Ahhhh!!!! Kami, help!!" Mikami ran around the room, trying to pull Near off his head.

"Die Kira conspirator!" Near attempted to bring Mikami down.

"Yeah…could we get some help here?" Light buzzed the outside with the red button. Two men in white coats stormed into the small room. L and Mello just sat there, rocking back and forth and muttering things, as the men pulled Near off Mikami and dragged him out.

* * *

So ends another fun chapter**! Is attacked by fan girls for shocking and traumatizing the Death Note characters. **I cannot promise that the characters will be mentally the same after this.

**And now a brief interview with our favorite crazy, God-complexed physiatrist…**

Light: You can say that again. Hey….!!

Me: But that's the whole point. Traumatizing them gets me readers.

Light: And what about my mental health of babysitting them all? Not to mention Mikami is out to rape me…

Me: You'll get over it. I'm actually one of the few people who does care about you.

Light: Yay for me…. I think Matt and I should just run away and retire somewhere away from these crazies. After I put them all away.

Me: Sorry. The MattxMello fans won't allow that.

Light: Damn! And I wanted him all to myself…

Me: WHAT!?!?

Light: Nothing…


	7. Sweet Revenge

Why do you all want to see Light shock Mello? Poor, abused Mello…

* * *

**Sweet Revenge**

Near had been "escorted" out of the room and Mikami had to go to the intensive care wing for severe damage to his head. (Not that he didn't have that before). So Light was left alone with Mello and L. Both of which, were rocking back and forth.

"Sugar…CAKE…sugar…STRAWBERRIES…sugar…" L muttered in his chair.

"Chocolate…chocolate" Mello was also traumatized.

"Hmmm." Light thought to himself. "How do I drive them over the edge just a little more?" Light got an idea. He wasn't so concerned with actually helping them with their problems as much as sending them away, for good, and letting him to freely to rule the world. As the two geniuses rocked back and forth, Light crept up behind L and whispered in his ear…

"Sugar."

"AHHH! SUGAR!!!" L freaked and jumped off his chair and rolled on the ground and then started to push himself in circles on the floor. Light cracked up. This was very fun, especially after all the torture L made him go through.

"You know," Light began, "I don't think I need the slides. I can just mutter a word and you flip out."

"You bastard!" Mello complained to Light and was shocked. He foamed slightly from the mouth.

"That's not very nice to say." Light told him calmly.

"Mommy, why are the strawberries dancing?" L muttered from the cold, tiled floor. Light looked at him strangely.

"L?" Light leaned over him, trying to get his attention.

"L?" Light nudged him with his foot. He didn't move.

"L!" Light yelled and leaned right in L's face, his tie dangling in front of L's face. L looked up for a moment.

"STRAWBERRY!!!" L screamed and grabbed onto Light's tie and bit it. (It's a red tie!)

"AHHH! Get off me!" Light screamed in a high voice and fell over, attempting to get L off him.

"Nomomomomo" L chewed on Light's tie, drooling all over.

"Eww…eww!!!! Just take it you freak of nature!" Light took off his tie and threw it at L, who enjoyed chewing on it for a second. Out of nowhere, Mello's head made contact with Light's side and Light flew against the wall. He slammed into it so hard, he hit his head and went unconscious.

"HaHA!" Mello cried in triumph he walked over to Light and kicked him. "That's for denying me my precious…. Hey L!" Mello called L.

"Oh, is it over? Did we defeat him?" L said strangely calmly and stood up. "I'm really grateful for these acting skills I gained from my work in the anime. I was able to feign insanity for the entire time. You did well too Mello….Mello?" L looked around and saw Mello attempting to body slam the door open, because he couldn't open it with the straightjacket on. L picked up the keys that had conveniently dropped from Light's pocket when he was slammed unconsciously into a wall.

"Umm Mello?" L asked carefully. Mello also, slammed his head into the door. He stumbled back a little and fell backwards onto the floor.

"I likes the chocolate…." Mello murmured happily, his eyes dropped slightly and he drifted to unconsciousness.

"Don't worry Mello! We'll get you some chocolate and will save the others from this hell! I swear on the almighty sugar!" L unlocked the door to the outside and dragged Mello by the collar of the straight jacket.

"Escape!" L screamed and ran out the door to safety, Mello sliding along behind him.

* * *

Yay! Freedom! They are on the run. I shocked Mello one more time for those who got excited about it. You know who you are! Poor Mello **Hugs Mello** Next chapter…the untimely escape of L and Mello! They will, of course find everyone else and figure out what happened to them.Now, for an interview with Matt! Yay! 

Matt: **Waking up in hospital room with bandages on **Oh my God…what happened?

Me: You were abused and beaten by Mello.

Matt: Oh! That's it?

Me: **Surprised** Does that happen often? Did he rape you?

Matt: What!? No…not often…

Me: The rape, or abuse?

Matt: That's a secret!

Me: XD

Matt: Stupid fan girl. No one should have allowed you a computer to write your fan girly thoughts.

Me: Hey Matt, did you know Light "fancies" you?

Matt: Who?

Me: **Sigh** Never mind. Here, entertain yourself until L and Mello come to save you or something like that… **Throws PSP in his lap**

Matt: YAY! **Gets distracted**


	8. Hosptial From Hell

Go L, Go!! (**Massive fan girl cheering)**

* * *

_**Hospital From Hell**_

L quickly ran down the hallway in search of everyone that Light (coughKiracough) had put away. It would of gone faster, if he hadn't been dragging an unconscious Mello behind him.

"I likes the dancing cotton balls mommy…." Mello muttered behind L. L ignored him and pushed a doctor out of the way. He fell on the floor and L kept running.

"I wonder where Near and Matt are?" L thought. He was going to save them from who knows what was happening to them. Oh the torture! L had no idea where he was supposed to look. He kept running until something smacked a window as he ran by it.

"AHHHH!!!" L screamed and jumped back. In the window was Misa's face.

"Get Misa out of here! WHAAAAAA!!" She yelled from behind the glass. She pushed her face against the pane, frightening L. L stepped back fearfully.

"Oh my god…. What happened? Gah…. I feel like crap…." Mello sat up on the floor, still in a straight jacket.

"Why am I still restrained what the….OH MY GOD!!!" Mello saw Misa's rather scary face and had a seizure, so he went unconscious again.

"Misa wants out!! Misa wants to see Light-kun!!!" Misa screamed and gnashed her teeth.

"Miss Amane! Please lay back down!…Someone get the morphine!" A doctor called from the same side of the glass. Dark faces appeared and pulled Misa back. Misa's screaming slowly faded.

"We need to get out of here Mello…Mello? Oh yeah, you're unconscious again. Wake up." L poked Mello.

"Mello? MELLO!" L yelled.

"Hehe…fire…" Mello said. L sighed and resumed pulling Mello behind him. L turned a corner and tripped.

"Ahh!" He screamed and fell, Mello slid along a few more feet.

"Who the hell put a wheelchair there!? And in front of a closet!" L wondered about the idiots of this hospital from hell.

"Hmmm…" L looked at the wheelchair and at the storage closet in the wall, and had an idea. He was still very smart without sugar….

* * *

L pushed Mello in the wheelchair in his newly acquired doctor's uniform. Well, it wasn't a doctor's uniform; it was a male's nurse's uniform. It was the only outfit in there, besides the female uniforms and that wasn't going to happen! At least he could pull it off. Mello still looked like a coma patient, unconscious and drooling and such, and L had those great acting skills we have recently learned about. It had come to L that Near would probably be in the Children's wing. Yes, we know he's 18, but he looks like a child, so that's where he is.

So L headed down to the elevator and got in with his "patient". He pressed the up arrow and waited. The elevator went up a floor then stopped. Another two doctors got on and talked.

"…. So he was in a closet?" One doctor said.

"Yes. The report says, 'severely beaten.' We're not sure when or how yet." The other one responded and checked the time randomly.

The elevator dinged and started going up again.

"They put him in the trauma wing. Along with some other patient who also was attacked, by an albino I think." The other one concluded. The doctors looked at Mello then L. L gave a nervous, guilty smile. The elevator dinged again and L ran off with Mello into the pediatrics wing.

"Eww. It smells like diapers in here." L pinched his nose. "Mello, how can you just sleep like this?" L asked.

"Mwahaaha! I iz numbah ONE!!" Mello sat up straight and said, then fell back again.

"Never mind." L said and started searching again. "At least we know where Matt is." L began to search every room and window for Near. A small, albino boy wouldn't be hard to miss. But it was even easier then that….

"You're Kira! NO! You're Kira! AHHH!!" A very familiar voice shouted from one room.

"Sit down little boy and take your rabies shot!"

"Never Kira!" There was a crash and another nurse ran down the hall to the room.

"There's Near" L said and pushed Mello towards the door. Inside was Near, attacking more people. "Hey Near." L waved from the door. Near stopped for a moment and looked at L and Mello. Then….

"I noes who Kira is! I do!" Near screamed and tackled L and stared straight at him, with an unnatural twitch. "He shocked me…oh, I shall have my revenge…I shall…." Near laughed maniacally.

"Ok…. well, Near, just come with us. We are going to get of here, and then have our revenge. It'll be ok." The doctor and nurse came to the door.

"Nurse, you can't just take him without parental permission." They told L.

"I basically am his guardian." L told them.

"What?"

"Huh?"

"But…"

"Humunaumah"

"Humawhat…

"Humanuuu"

"KIRA!!!" Near interrupted.

"You know what, just take him. Maybe to the psychiatric ward." The doctor suggested.

"We were already there…I mean, got to go!" L waved, he put Near in the wheelchair on top Mello and rushed off down the hall to the trauma wing.

* * *

Meanwhile….

"Yagami-san…Yagami-san…" Light was being shaken awake be a blonde, female doctor.

"Oh, Head Doctor-san, what's going on?" Light asked slightly dazed.

"You were asleep in the wall. What happened to your group?" She asked.

"WHAT!?" Light looked around and saw they were the only two in the room. "Oh no! They escaped." Light said and stood up. "We need to get them back." He told her.

"I'll alert the hospital." The Head Doctor said and rushed out of the room. Light stumbled out behind her.

"Where did they go?" Light mumbled and began searching for someone.

* * *

Woo! L in a nurse's uniform and lap sitting with Mello and Near. Rejoice! It was so fun to portray the subconscious thought of Mello…hehe…fire…lol!

Anyways…time to go find Matt and watch out for Light….


	9. Meanwhile

The search for Matt continues! This story is being fueled by Halloween candy and Hospital drama crossovers! Yay!! Omg! Did anyone read that book called Meanwhile as a child? It was a picture book…. anyways…meanwhile….

* * *

**Meanwhile**

_Attention all Staff! We have two escaped patients in the building, going by the names of Mello and L. Please keep a look out for them. They are considered dangerous._

"You forgot to describe them. How will everyone know what they look like?" Light told the Head Doctor.

"Oh yeah." She turned the intercom in the office back on and said,

_Attention! The escaped patients are a blonde, possibly in a straight jacket and a dark-haired man with a posture problem. Please especially look out, especially if there are any sweets near by._

"There, that's better." The Head Doctor said. "Well, I have my own group therapy to teach. I'll look when I can." She said and walked down the hall and around the corner. Light grumbled and walked out.

"Now where did they go?" Light wondered and went down the hall.

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

_In a hospital bed somewhere…_

"Level 34 bitches! Yeah!" Matt shouted and went to the next level on his PSP. And then got bored. "So when are they coming to save me? I'm soooo bored already." A nurse walked in.

"I'm sorry sir, but you've been diagnosed with lung cancer and ADD." She said.

"WHAT?!" Matt sat up in shock.

"Wait…" The nurse looked at her clipboard. "Oh this is for _**Miles**_ Jeevas. Sorry, wrong patient."

"Thank God." Matt sighed.

"No, you've actually been diagnosed with AIDS."

"WHAT!?! That's even worse!" Matt gasped and fainted.

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

"Mello? Mello…." Near poked Mello from his lap.

"Don't bother Near. I've already tried waking him. It doesn't work." L said and pushed the wheelchair along towards the trauma wing.

"Hmmm…Let me see….." Near thought. "Hey Mello! I'm number one!" Near said to Mello.

"Hmmff." Mello twitched.

"And I was so sure that was going to work. All my dreams have been crushed". Near said sadly. L looked down at Near.

"It's ok. We'll wake him up somehow…" L said. And then, like a gift from God, it came.

"Ahhh! Look out!" A voice shouted.

"Gah!!!" L and Near screamed and crashed into the food cart, knocking everyone and everything, onto the floor.

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

"Can I get a rabies shot?" Mikami asked the nurse.

"You were bitten by a kid, not a raccoon." The nurse said monotone.

"But I believe he had a close relationship with one, it wore goggles!" Mikami protested.

"Sure, sure sir…and God kills people with a black notebook." The nurse said sarcastically.

"How did you know?!" Mikami gasped.

"No wonder you came from the psychiatric wing…" The nurse concluded and walked out.

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

"Owie." Near rubbed him head from the floor. "What happened?"

"I'm so sorry Doctor-san. It was accident." L sat up and said.

"It's fine." The doctor said. She, the doctor, and started to pick up the food.

"Oh my God! Is that cake?!" L burst out and pointed to the smashed pastries on the ground.

"Umm, yeah….what are you doing?" She asked as L ate the cake off the ground.

"Mwahahaha! Sweet, precious, cake…" L said.

"And this is why I don't look up to you…" Near said and crossed his arms.

"Whatever, albino boy!" L responded and went back to inhaling cake.

"Will people stop calling me albino!?" Near shouted in frustration.

"Well, you have some qualities…" The doctor said.

"You! Doctor….Grey!" Near looked at her nametag. "I don't care what you think with your fancy brown hair and such. I have feelings too! Some of which disappeared after being tortured by Kira!" Near stood up and shouted. (Gasp, he stood up!)

"I'm sorry?" Dr. Grey said, confused.

"Whatever….Hey!" Near said and crawled on the ground to a spilt bowl. "Is this chocolate pudding?" He asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I'm serving dinner and dessert to the patients. It's not for you." Dr. Gray said, whom a volley of plastic, hospital items hitting her head soon silenced, causing her to run in defeat.

"Buh bye emo bitch!" Near said in triumph. "Hey Mello…Mello…" Near went up next to him and held the pudding in his face.

"Nuh…"Mello moaned.

"Chocolate…" Mello's eyes snapped open.

"CHOCOLATE!!!" Mello shrieked and attacked the pudding bowl. Then he twitched and jumped back. "The shock! It's still there!"

"No Mello! Don't give into the trauma, and Kira's evil methods. Love the chocolate…" Near commanded.

"I do. But it hurts…"

"Eat it!" Near said and threw it at Mello.

"OK! God you're annoying." Mello said. "Ok, I can't eat it when I'm restrained. Get me out."

"But I like you this way…." Mello glared at him "Ok, fine." Near said frustratingly and untied the straightjacket.

"Oh thank God I'm out of that." Mello sighed and ate his pudding. "Hey, what's L doing?" Mello noticed L.

"Eating cake." Near said calmly from the floor.

"And you are…" Mello asked.

"Stacking spoons."

"Ok….Hey, weren't we rescuing Matt?" Mello remembered suddenly.

"Oh yeah." L had finished and got up off the floor. "Let's go." So the three of them started walking down to the hall towards Trauma.

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

The Head Doctor walked into her group therapy.

"OK, fan girls. It's time for your therapy." She said joyfully.

"Where are they!?" The fan girls yelled. "We know you have L-sama, Raito-kun and everyone in this hospital!"

"Quiet!" The Head Doctor shouted over them and ran the projector, playing American cartoons.

"No!!!!" The Fan girls screamed and covered their eyes in horror.

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

Light wandered around the hospital, looking for the escapees.

"I should look where Matt is. They will probably go save him." Light thought. So he went on down to the Trauma wing and to Matt's room and walked in.

"Hey Matt, sorry about this all and…."

"Kami!!!" Mikami jumped from the other bed, arms and head in bandages. "You've come!"

"Ahh! Mikami. They put you two in the same room?" Light asked.

"Yeah. And he wouldn't shut up about Kira and justice and shit like that. He's driving me crazy." Matt complained from the other bed.

"At least I don't have AIDS!" Mikami teased Matt.

"Really? Aww…. that ruins my plans…" Light cried. Mikami and Matt stared suspiciously.

"It's Guy love!" Turk sung through the door.

"There's nothing gay about it…!" JD shouted from the other end of the hall.

"Shut up!" Light shouted out the door. Then, there was awkward silence.

"Uhh…I'm just going to wait here. Mello, L and who knows else will be on their way." Light said and sat on a chair.

"Yay! Kami is going to stay will me!" Mikami jumped up and down in glee.

"Woo…" Matt said and resumed his game.

* * *

**Meanwhile…(tired of that word yet? Last time, I swear)**

"MATT! MATT!" Mello, L and Near called into the halls of the trauma wing. "Where are you!?" They opened random doors, in search of Matt.

"You bastard! Where did you go!?" Mello called. There was silence. "I'm sorry Matt!" Mello shouted. They continued walking. L opened a door.

"Hey, I think I found him." L said quietly. Mello and Near came to the door and looked in.

"What the…?!?!" Near said.

"What the hell are you doing to Matt!?" Mello burst in and came face-to-face with Light.

* * *

Did you all see that flash with Mello and Matt? Hehe, I changed it a bit. So, random Scrubs and Grey's Anatomy crossover. Hey, they're in a hospital. The finale is next. Last chapter. **Big AWWW!! **Must escape! Some might be wondering, where's Takada? Well, I locked her in the basement in the hospital, where we're selling her organs for manga cash. Yay! But don't tell…. 

Random Fan girl: Umm…we didn't really care…so, no. We weren't wondering.


	10. Defenestrate

And what exactly do you people think Light is doing to Matt?? Some people are just so perverted these days…like me….**Evil Laugh!!!**

* * *

**Defenestrate**

"What are you doing to Matt!?" Mello screamed and burst into the little hospital room.

"What are you talking about?" Mikami asked from the bed.

"Hey Matt, got any threes?" Light asked.

"Go Fish!" Matt smirked. L, Near and Mello just stared in amazement.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Mello yelled at Matt.

"Winning Go Fish."

"How can you be so calm around the enemy?" Matt looked around.

"You mean them?" Matt pointed at Light and Mikami.

"Well, yeah."

"Easy. They suck at cards. They are no threat to…." And this is when Mello smacks Matt upside the head. "OW!" Matt hit Mello back in retaliation.

"OW!" Then they got into a catfight and hit each other some more.

"You little…."

"OW! Don't snap that!"

"Shut up!!" So, while Matt and Mello were rolling on the floor, fighting. Near stood veeeeeeery still and twitched slightly…

"KIRA!!!!" Near jumped and dove for Light.

"Ahhhh!!!" Light screamed. Then Mikami stepped in the way

"I'll save you Kami!!" Mikami hit Near in the head with a food tray. Near fell onto the floor and his head bled a little.

"Hey! Don't hit him!" L said and pointed, staring his big, round eyes.

"What are you going….AHH!!!" Mikami screamed a girly scream. Near latched onto Mikami's leg and started biting.

"Ahh! Not again! Get him off!!" Mikami shook his leg and scrambled around the room trying to scrape Near off his leg.

"Wow. Déjà vu…" L said and walked up to Light, who was on the phone.

"Yeah, they're here….No! I can't wait! They're killing each other as we speak!" He yelled into the phone.

"Yagami-kun…..Yagami-kun…" L poked Light.

"Not now! I'll make "cake" with you later!" Light shooed L off. L got really close to Light's face…..

"Are you Kira?"

"OH MY GOD! No! For the last time, NO!" Light yelled and slammed the phone down and walked toward the fighting pairs. "Hey…Hey!…..STOP!!" Light yelled like a Kindergarten teacher at recess. They stopped fighting right where they were, leaving some of them in some interesting positions…. (No more details XD)

"Ok crazies, the nurses are on the way to take you back to the psycho ward."

"What about…"

"Except you Matt, you're fine. You're coming to stay with me. It's not safe here for you…" Light explained.

"Liar! You just want him all to yourself!" Mello exclaimed.

"Yeah! If anyone's going to rape me, it will be Mello!" Matt agreed.

"What?" Mello back away. Everyone looked at them strangely.

"No! Mello is mine!" Near protested.

"No albino! He's mine!" Matt said

"What did you call me!?"

"Albino…al-bi-no!" And then Near and Matt fought.

"Hey! I'm crippled!" Matt said, while trying to fight Near.

"SO!?"

"Please hide me…" Mello stepped and ducked behind L. L sighed and thought _Why me? _Light stood there, watching people kill each other. It was actually quite entertaining. But, it had to end sometime.

"Hey guys!" L yelled over the commotion. And of course, being the almighty L, everyone stopped.

"You all do realize we are about to go back to that room of death, right?" He announced.

"What?!" They said, in shock. And all panic broke loose.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Matt, Mello and Near screamed and made for the door.

"Duckie! They won't take you away again!"

"Chocolate! Must get chocolate!"

"Kira's gonna rape me!!" And they charged down the hallway, leaving Mikami, L and Light looking awkwardly after them. Mikami and Light looked at L with a death glare. L looked at them then the door, and back at them.

"Get him!" Light commanded and L followed the girly screams down the hospital hall, while Mikami and Light chased him.

"Wait for me guys! You love me! Don't let them take me back there!"

* * *

While running down the hallway, our favorite geniuses were hatching a plan to escape. That's when Near heard another cry of help. But it was an actually girl's voice. They stopped running in interest. 

"Never mind. It's just that bitch who cut my hair." Mello said and pet the spot where his hair had been cut in remorse.

"I don't think so. It didn't sound like her." Matt said. So the three of them turned the corner. They heard a separate chase from behind and let it pass.

"Save me! Where did you guys go?" L yelled.

"We should go sav…." Mello started

"Shush. It's too late. He's a goner." Near said and followed the voices. It came from a door in the hall. The three of them looked in the window.

"Oh, I shall have my revenge…." Near plotted.

* * *

L ran down the hall looking for a way to escape and for Mello, Near and Matt, who abandoned him. Light and Mikami were right behind him, and soon, a few nurses joined the chase with them. 

Poor L.

L continued to run down the halls. He was so lost and somewhat disoriented from the lack of sugar. One cake was not enough. L thought that he should probably find the elevator and take it down to the ground floor. L turned and finally saw Matt, Mello and Near standing in a line at the middle of the hall.

"Oh thank God I found you guys!" L said and ran up to them. "What are you doing, Just standing there!? They're right behind me!" And sure enough, Mikami, Light and two nurses stopped in front of them, holding syringes.

"We've got you guys. Just give up and come quietly." Light said. The two nurses stepped forward.

"Not so fast….." Mello smiled. "Open the door!" And then Near opened the door next to him.

"That's him! That's the one who shocked me repeatedly!" Near said and pointed at Light.

"DIE!!!!" Shouted many fan girls as they escaped their own therapy and swarmed into the hall and attacked Light, Mikami and the nurses, especially Light. They were driven back and down the hall.

"Wow Near. How did you get all those fan girls to do that?" L asked.

"Easy." Near said.

_**Flashback….**_

A small, albino child walked into a room filled with fan girls in therapy. Many heads slowly turn around….

"Marshmallow bunny!" They scream and jump from their seats.

"Stop!" the head doctor, who is leading the therapy, shouted. They stop for a little and looked at her, then Near, then her again.

"Why are you guys listening to her? Her or me?" Near told them. Then they debated within themselves who to listen to. The evil doctor who made them watch American crap cartoons or the cutest eighteen year old alive…..

"That's right!" One of the fan girls said.

"We can escape!" Another said.

"Near chan!!" One screamed and tackled Near.

"Ahh!" He screamed and crawled away.

"You!" The head doctor pointed at Near. "Wait until I call the nurses….."

"No!" The fan girls screamed and attacked the Head Doctor. Soon, she was finished with, and tied in a chair.

"So….what brings you here Cotton ball fluff?" One fan girl asked.  
"I want revenge." He said darkly.

"On who?"

"Kira. He electric shocked me…" There was a bunch of gasps throughout the room.

"How dare he?……" They whispered. "Don't worry, we will destroy him!" They shouted.

"Yeah!"

_**End Flashback**_

"And that's how I got an army of fan girls to enact my revenge." Matt and Mello nodded.

"So, now how do we get out?" Matt asked.

"Easy, we walk out." L smiled and headed for the elevator.

* * *

Matt, Mello, L and Near arrived at the ground floor in the elevator. It seemed that the halls were pretty much abandoned. They walked without trouble towards the exit…… 

"Stop!" The security guards at the door shouted.

"Ahhh! Run!" L screamed and the four of them ran into the closest room and locked the door behind them.

"We know you're in there! Come out now before we break the door down." The guards said from the other side.

"Ahh. How do we get out?" Near panicked. The room was empty, probably a storage area at one point.

"Look! There's a window!" Mello pointed out. He ran over to it. But it wouldn't budge. Then he tried to punch it.

"Ow!" Mello held his hand in pain. "If only we had something we could throw through the window, but something we could pick up….." Everyone looked at Near.

"What?" He asked, very frightened.

"Grab him!" L commanded.

"Ahhh!" Near screamed.

* * *

Now, one very interesting sight, they you may never see in you life, is Near, crashing out from a window and falling onto the ground. 

"Ow." He muttered and lay still.

"Woot! We're free!" L, Matt and Mello crawled out from the window behind Near. They ran across the lawn.

"Oh wait!" Mello said and went back for Near. "Hey Near, get up." Mello poked him.

"Is he dead?" Matt asked.

"No, he's only mostly dead." Mello said.

"Damn."

"Come on Near!" Mello grabbed Near around the waist and ran across the lawn. L and Matt ran after them and out from the hospital.

* * *

"Damn!" Light said from the window covered in bandages, as he watched four people escape out the gate of the hospital. 

"Mikami! Stop hugging me!" Light said and pushed Mikami off him.

"I love you Kami!" Mikami shouted and resumed hugging.

"I hate my life…." Light said.

* * *

Misa woke up on a cold, hospital table. 

"Hello." A doctor said from above her.

"Ahh! Get away. Misa wants to see Light-kun!" Misa ranted.

"I'm sorry. But you're too valuable." The doctor smiled. Misa looked next to her and saw….

"OMG Takada!" Misa screamed and saw Takada. She was dead.

"I think you kidney will finish paying for my copy of How To Read:13 AND the BB Case novel." The doctor said and applied the anesthesia. The Head doctor laughed from the corner of the basement…..

**The End!**

* * *

And so ends the story. awww! But don't worry! I have more! I watched Without a Paddle yesterday and got insperation for throwing Near out a wndow. I'm sorry Near, that I threw you out a window. And now I can buy the BB Case novel with the cash from Misa's kidneys! yay!! BTW, _defenestrate _means to throw out a window. 


End file.
